hah! its been like what, 10 thousand years since i last blogged! (a year actually.. lol) hmm.. i guess my life had changed now. no more little miss goody-too-shoes. i am stupid enough to get an L1R5 of 16 (14 including CCA points) and got to SRJC. my life there wasnt that bad actually. got great friends.. zarifah, gigi, jo, teh halia (no hard feelings alyya! hees), maryamon, lisa, jaq, evan, kai lin, tin xin, qibi, deb, jiayi, kiran.. wahh.. too many to mention here. :) and yes! im still in contact with my dearest diyanah!
why i say stupid? well, its all because of that score, i went to jc. and its because of that decision to enter jc, that i srew up my relationship with HIM.. who is the HIM i'm referring to? well, i was SINGLE when i last posted. it was somehow fated that i met him. can still remember our very first meeting. wow.. memories huh.. haiz.. anyways, we got together on the 2nd of may this year. we were deeply in love. well, according to my cousin, it was the 'honeymoon period'. and as expected, we got into some arguments. but these arguments are all because of one thing: my time management. yeah.. i was told that i was TOO BUSY for him. we eventually settled the problems. but i dont think that things are working out right this time...
its been 9 days since we last met. i guess now that his feelings for me had faded. he told me that too. i understand perfectly why so. all because i dont have the time to spend with him. i tried to explain my condition but he somehow got the idea wrong.. he used to miss me when we didnt meet. but now it seems like he didnt care anymore. i dont blame him in any way.. he just gave up on me. he believes that i will always be busy especially next year, when im taking my As. if only i can make it anyway. sighs.. i tried to compromise with him; planned to meet up with him today but he couldnt make it. planned again to meet up tml but he told me he got project to do. fine.. and when i chatted with him last night, he metioned that we wont be meeting for about a week. a week he says? hah! i bet its gonna be a couple of weeks.
i suppose his feelings for me had totally faded. no more of our pics on his friendster. does this indicates that he is erasing all our memories together? the memories which i treasure most. i broke down completely after that. i think.. i think ive lost my real self for now. gigi and zarifah told me that im not the 'lively' and 'cheerful' sarah i used to be. well, ive been crying almost everyday. im putting a fake smile everywhere i go. i slept late almost everynight (btwn 1 a.m to 4 a.m). ive been listening to sad, sappy songs wherever i go, which then causes more tears.. im afraid im gonna suffer from depression. i love him my whole heart. but im losing him. its painful to lose someone you truly love right? i really cant imagine what will happen if we decided to end it. i am like, hopelessly devoted to him. it is somehow to the extent till i thought of dropping out of jc life, go poly.. so that i can spend more time with him. coincedently, i passed my mids, but not that superb. my grades are B, C, D, E, S, U. haha! total points of 43. ARGH!! im so depressed right now!!
there are more things coming up. more things to mention. more things to rant abt. for now, i think we both needs a time out. give each other some time to think alone. after all, i went to amk just now, walking around, all by myself, thinking abt what had happened. i now just hope that things will turn out right for the both of us...