wah.. its been a while since i last blogged. =) hey hey! im back to being myself! no more the depressed sarah since my last post. haha. its not nice the feeling.. depressed.. must be happy! there are other things in life besides love right? hmm.. there was a motivational talk just now in school. what something to do with MOTIVATION n GOALS n some other nonsense. it was kinda good actually. it did give me some motivation!! hahax. must be an achiever. not a *mediocre* (whoops!! dunnoe how to spell).. hees!
in school now, things are getting more harder and harder. cant afford to miss even a single lesson. especially econs. history too. but i think econs is the worst!! so difficult.. sighs. hmm. about my social life, im getting more n more psycho each day. especially when u have frens like zarifah and gillian. haha. me and zarifah were like always arguing even because of small things. gillian is like our jie jie; will always get pissed off when we argue. haha. very funny.. then she will compare us like ernest and kai xiang.. me and zarifah can even agrue because of that: fighting over who is ernest and who is kai xiang! hahah.. no wonder gillian is ALWAYS annoyed with us. hahaha. haiyoh.. and zarifah, gillian and alyya is still searching for mbf for me. so silly lar! then want to 'matchmake' me with all the ugly ones.. so bad.. what drunken lar.. 'bodo' lar.. and i dont even know who is this 'bodoh' guy they are referring to. according to maryam, he is not handsome at all!! haha! we also disturbed gillian with this A5 guy, ryan.. so funny!! gillian and ryan.. end rhymes leh!!!! hahahaha...
omg. i dont know how to do history analysis. so damn difficult. i dont even understand the question. then how to do??? oh no... i owe quite alot of hw. hehe. this is because of last week. i slack lar.. its because of HARRY POTTER!!! wahh.. im very sad.. that was the finale.. sighs. im happy that he got married to ginny and have 3 kids!!! haha.. and ron and hermione too!! finally they got together! hahahaha... i knew it that harry wont die. psychic much?? hahax. but i dont expect FRED to die!! no!!!! he was one of my fav character.. sad.. hmm. now i cant wait for the last two movie sequels!!
yay! there's bowling tml. cant wait! but its 3 hours of training. trust me. i'll be damn tired when i reach home tml. =)
after madrasah, ard 3+ like that, went out and met suhair and paya lebar mrt. planned to meet at 3 but end up meeting at 3.30. thanks alot to you SUHAIR!!! waited for jannah.. went down to SP, have a drink at the coffee bean there.. and finally jannah reached. nowhere to go so we decided to go parkway. ate at long john.. hey, is this a story of my life??? hahaha. anyway, bought suhair a snow cap for his birthday. he so damn fickled minded! haiyoh! had fun thou. he can never fail to make me laugh. me and jannah were like, being some camwhores. haha. reached home at ard 9..
sighs. something happened tonight. more sighs... met him at msn. and he finally told me. i guess its over now. i expected that actually. but i dont expect it to be this early. its just 74 days/10 weeks 3 days/2 months 1 week 3 days.. i was so depressed. i cant seem to be able to forget him. he meant alot to me. i WILL treasure every second we spent together. i respect every decision he makes. there is no way i can change his mind. "if you love someone, let it go. if it comes back, it is and will always be yours. if it doesnt, it is never yours to begin with". i hold on to that proverb. i hope that he can be happy now that we are not together anymore. i dont want him to suffer anymore. it is very painful to see him hurt. i'd rather have myself hurt than to see him hurt. sighs. i love him. i just love him so much... i want to thank him for all our memories. fadhli, thank you so much. they are all precious to me.. keep the bear and the ring alright. they are for you...
hah! its been like what, 10 thousand years since i last blogged! (a year actually.. lol) hmm.. i guess my life had changed now. no more little miss goody-too-shoes. i am stupid enough to get an L1R5 of 16 (14 including CCA points) and got to SRJC. my life there wasnt that bad actually. got great friends.. zarifah, gigi, jo, teh halia (no hard feelings alyya! hees), maryamon, lisa, jaq, evan, kai lin, tin xin, qibi, deb, jiayi, kiran.. wahh.. too many to mention here. :) and yes! im still in contact with my dearest diyanah!
why i say stupid? well, its all because of that score, i went to jc. and its because of that decision to enter jc, that i srew up my relationship with HIM.. who is the HIM i'm referring to? well, i was SINGLE when i last posted. it was somehow fated that i met him. can still remember our very first meeting. wow.. memories huh.. haiz.. anyways, we got together on the 2nd of may this year. we were deeply in love. well, according to my cousin, it was the 'honeymoon period'. and as expected, we got into some arguments. but these arguments are all because of one thing: my time management. yeah.. i was told that i was TOO BUSY for him. we eventually settled the problems. but i dont think that things are working out right this time...
its been 9 days since we last met. i guess now that his feelings for me had faded. he told me that too. i understand perfectly why so. all because i dont have the time to spend with him. i tried to explain my condition but he somehow got the idea wrong.. he used to miss me when we didnt meet. but now it seems like he didnt care anymore. i dont blame him in any way.. he just gave up on me. he believes that i will always be busy especially next year, when im taking my As. if only i can make it anyway. sighs.. i tried to compromise with him; planned to meet up with him today but he couldnt make it. planned again to meet up tml but he told me he got project to do. fine.. and when i chatted with him last night, he metioned that we wont be meeting for about a week. a week he says? hah! i bet its gonna be a couple of weeks.
i suppose his feelings for me had totally faded. no more of our pics on his friendster. does this indicates that he is erasing all our memories together? the memories which i treasure most. i broke down completely after that. i think.. i think ive lost my real self for now. gigi and zarifah told me that im not the 'lively' and 'cheerful' sarah i used to be. well, ive been crying almost everyday. im putting a fake smile everywhere i go. i slept late almost everynight (btwn 1 a.m to 4 a.m). ive been listening to sad, sappy songs wherever i go, which then causes more tears.. im afraid im gonna suffer from depression. i love him my whole heart. but im losing him. its painful to lose someone you truly love right? i really cant imagine what will happen if we decided to end it. i am like, hopelessly devoted to him. it is somehow to the extent till i thought of dropping out of jc life, go poly.. so that i can spend more time with him. coincedently, i passed my mids, but not that superb. my grades are B, C, D, E, S, U. haha! total points of 43. ARGH!! im so depressed right now!!
there are more things coming up. more things to mention. more things to rant abt. for now, i think we both needs a time out. give each other some time to think alone. after all, i went to amk just now, walking around, all by myself, thinking abt what had happened. i now just hope that things will turn out right for the both of us...